Poems On Life In General
by Alison Stormwolf

I want to shield you with my arms,
shelter you from fate.
Rage against time
and invert the hour-glass
to take us back
to the old days
of my trying youth.

Measuring me for dresses,
then those late nights
waiting up after dances.
till you heard my key in the lock.
Those poetry evenings by the fire…
Or me trying to keep up
with your fast gait.

I refuse to surrender you to amnesia
confusion and unsteady walk.
Fading sight and vulnerability,
dark uncertainty,
lonely, bleak nights
and fear.
I never could understand your tears,
when I fell and needed stitches
as a young girl.

It was my knee,
not yours.

But now I know.
God!
how I know.

I do not have
So many things
The things once owned
That money brings,

I do not have
A love that's true
As once I thought
Till 'Truth' I knew.

I do not have
Those welcome arms
To hold me close
And safe from harm
Or future sealed

In golden light…
Or tender loving
Through the night.

I do not have
SO many things
These days are gone!
Those diamond rings…
Those fancy clothes
Those fancy cars
And nights spent posing
In fancy bars
But what is left
Is good and true
It's not unique
Nor even new...

Its what I had
When I checked in
To this strange world
When, free from sin

I, as a babe
Took up my place
In Karma's role,
To fate embrace.
Iv'e done my best
With what I had
And knowing that
My heart
Is
Glad.

So now, as that once
'Far off' horizon
is looming into view,
Becoming more in focus,
What can I say?
What can I utter in my defence?
When others would point
And stare and criticise my choices?

Oh yes!
There are things
I would have changed!
So many mistakes!
Blatantly obvious with hind- sight.
However, the crux of the matter is…
To what do I stand accused?

To have loved
With no restraint?
Surely there is no other way?
To have trusted
With an open heart?
Does that make me inferior?
Surely the blame
(If that word should ever be used)
Lies in those
Who wilfully betray that trust?

To try my best
And often fail…
Well, we all fail but at least I tried.
For in all things
I am human
With all the frailties
That title bequeaths;

Had I been other?
I would have done better!
Would have been that 'perfect mother'
You know, the kind...
Those who bake cakes
And make clay models
I was always
A round peg in a square hole…
Bit of a disappointment
In the daughter stakes as well!
Not cut out to be a wife…
Always just myself
That, and no more…

Well, I have seen some
wonderful mothers
Abandon their children
Some great wives
Betray their husbands
Some perfect daughters
Bring great shame...

If all I have ever done
In this one precious life time
Is to have given of myself
In all that was within my power
Or genetic make up to do
Then I have done the best I could.
If loving and not bearing a grudge
Is a crime?
I stand helplessly guilty.
I am fatally flawed

But then I always was

I saw the sky on fire tonight
I had thought such sunsets
Were reserved (selfishly) for
The Moray Firth in Scotland
My home town
Like God had decided to bless
One place especially...
But it is not so
I put out my cat
And looked up transfixed
Slain on the spot
Murdered by beauty
Out of control,
Rendered helpless
Unable to avert my eyes
I saw the sky on fire tonight.

Bitter, angry words
Striking out and hurting
Those I love…

Such a fool
Making judgements
Wrong decisions

Self hatred
Colouring my mind
No escape

Foolish pride
Ruining my tomorrows
blinding my eyes

Take my soul
For it cannot stand
To live in this prison

Only YOU
Really understand my
Contained spirit

Reaching out
Asking your forgiveness
One last time.....

Transition, no man's land
Territory between the old and the new
Where all doors have slammed shut behind
And none have opened in welcome
Fully dilated and ready for birth
From the former reality
To a new beginning with new goals

Only I cannot see ahead
I am lost in the mists of this world
Relying on my inbuilt radar and God's Grace
I walk the tightrope between trust
And despair, my eyes are blind
To what is waiting to reveal itself to me
Just around the corner.

Do you want to take a look
Inside this strange head?
I am the original paradox
A modern day Janus
I now look in both directions at once

Or was that YOU?
Revealed in my dream
When I saw you look at me
Then saw your other face, look backwards to
The family you never left?

Such mysteries are given
To those who interpret dreams.
How I would trust that information
SO much more than that gleaned from man,
Untainted as it comes... straight from source
If only I could master once and for all
The complexities of those weird hieroglyphics
Of sleep

Such richness and treasure there
But bound by strange convention
And just like the first garments retrieved
From Tutenkamun's tomb disintegrated
In the fierce desert sun
So the treasures of the mind, can so easily
Slip from our grasp
No matter how desperately we hold fast

Had I acted on the wisdom and insight
Shown to me in that dream
That warning dream which told me
You had two faces, two lives,
Two divided loyalties
So much suffering
Could have been avoided,
So much grief
So much anguish…..so much despair…
If only...

Dream well,
Dream deep,
Dream wise......

And may the dawn's tender light
Bring recollection, courage
And wisdom.

When I was young
Thirteen years or so?

The hen house was my place
Of quiet reflection
It was never really mine
It stood in the grounds
Of the house that I loved,
That was never mine either
It didn't matter

When the need for solitude
And inner contemplation
Took me away from the cares of the family
The henhouse was my retreat!

I had a disinterested audience
It was dark, but never threatening,
I had unusual but strangely comforting company,
the hens
Alone with my non- judgmental companions
I would sit and smoke the forbidden cigarette
The hens were unimpressed
Their beady eyes portraying no condemnation!
They would crowd on their perches
And cluck contentedly,
While their uninvited guest
Would contemplate their lives
And they would return my stare

Many questions would be asked
In the henhouse,
Who am I? What lies ahead?
The darkness outside, the howling wind
The cold, rainy nights
Somehow never scared me
How could I begin to know, or imagine
Where life would lead me?

The hens benign clucking
Could offer me no answers
And yet, alone
In the dark, with my friends
I would try to visualize my future
I instinctively knew
My life would take me
Far beyond the henhouse!

Their very rapid acceptance
After a quick period
Of flapping wings
And noisy objections to my presence

Assured me, all would be well
Where ever I would go
I would take my own hen house with me

Initial antagonism gave way
To quiet acceptance.
I had merged with them
And they with me
All in the same boat
Shit covered roosts made way
For another inhabitant
The hens and me
Our mutual need, our uncertain futures
All of us, alone, with our thoughts,
Together
In the henhouse.

PS. Writing this all these years later I am still

there in the blink of an eye.

Don't try to understand me!
I function from different levels
Over which even I have no control!
Often self destructive
But with a deep inner passion
For the beauty in life

A cosmic connection
An ebbing and flowing
Like the tides
More Lunar in nature
Than solar
Receptive and sensitive
Playing my life in the major keys
While my inner symphony
Is composed in the minor

Do you have the answer?
Can you enter my inner world?
Or is it too draining
And not worth the effort?
Unless you are `THE ONE'
Who will hack down the briars?
Which surround my tender heart?
And rescue me from this prison
Of insecurity and broken dreams
And release the untamed spirit
Straining at the bars of my cell
Go on your way
And we will talk about it no more.

When the end truly comes, that great day so longed for

It comes with no great fuss, no headlines,
No great salute, no ringing tone
To herald this one soul
Into 'What will be!'
No choir of angels
No trumpet call
Nothing new
Papers sold
Babies born
People die!' Life continues..... Bins are collected
Spots are squeezed
Teeth brushed
Toilets flushed
Taxes rise
And somewhere
In the heart
of that

I leave...
;-)))

When darkness streaks across the sky
And colours change to muted greys
And distant rain-clouds ride the hills
As nature's kaleidoscope displays
The symphony of early night
And silhouetted birds in flight
Their distant cries echoing still
I stand and watch their wings, until
The very last is lost to sight,
Heralding approaching night;

And in that most exquisite space
Through and around my trees, I trace
That wondrous pathway, worn in youth
When all I knew was love and truth
And wandered freely, free from fear
That there was any danger near,
For when among creation's bloom
What reason should I fear the gloom?

A alive by the skin of my teeth
L loving to the nth degree I insane by choice if sanity is measured by the world as it is.
S so full of love for nature
O open minded
N not to be trifled with ;-)

S surrendering my self to Spirit
T tomorrow is a life time away
O only today is real
R resolute in my search for Truth
M mindful of everyone's journey

W wishing things were different
O only trying for the best
L living life as a free spirit
F faithful unto death.

I am a child of the light
Why, then,
Do I love the darkness?
Does embracing totality
Make me feel
More 'whole'
Than my neighbour?

Sunny days
Leave me cold
Yes, I give thanks for them,
Enjoy them
But my passion
Is the dark thunder clouds
Howling wind and rain...

Must go back to childhood,
Or beyond?
I have the wildness
Of that weather in me
Perhaps the mighty power of nature
Makes me feel more alive?

We talk of solar power,
Well, I need 'Storm Power,'
Not destructive hurricane power,
Lethal power,
Simply activating,
Soul enhancing, humbling,
'Gathering in my chicks'
'Grateful for shelter'
Storm power!